Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
