Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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