dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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