Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
