Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
