Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
