I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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