im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
