I hate all girls vehemently.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
