I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
