We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
