So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
