Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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