What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
