Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
