Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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