The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The uberlube is also flammable
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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