I hate all girls vehemently.
Quick, to the slutcave!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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