Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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