I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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