I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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