If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
