that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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