this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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