You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
