so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
