I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
