She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
