I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
