i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
