walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
