I like my sex mixed with concussions.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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