he shaved USA in his pubs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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