I just pynch a tree in the face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I am morally bankrupt
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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