drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
