it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
