You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just googled if crying burns calories
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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