They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
