did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
