I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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