An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
