guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
