she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
