Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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