how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
