i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
