her vagine was all disorganized.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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