Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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