I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
