So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
