I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
